"Sean" Isang Istorya!

Unang Yugto: Ang Pag-Amin

This story is an excerpt from my own experience. However, due to some cybercrime law, I will be presenting this whole story with some touch of fiction attack. Character names are not necessarily connected to the person I will be including in this blog. Enjoy reading!

Setting: Baguio City, Philippines

Characters:

 Mart – The Best friend

Sean – The main character

Mike – lover ni Mart

Nagsimula ang lahat sa isang application sa trabaho at dito rin nagkakilala sila Mart at Sean. Naging magkasabay sila sa mga bagay bagay sa kompanyang pinapasukan nila. Si Mart ay kasalukuyan noong may karelasyon ang pangalan nya ay Mike.

Masaya si Mike at Mart na magkasama, habang si Sean naman ay malugod na sinusuporthan ang kanyang kaibigan sa kanyang relasyon. Naging masaya ang samahan nila Sean at Mart. Ngunit ng ipakilala ni Mart si Sean kay Mike ay medyo napansin ni Mart na may konting ilangan sila Sean at Mike. Well syempre unang pagkikita, normal lamang na ganoon ang maramdaman nila sa isat’ isa.

Isang taon ang nakalipas at lahat sila ay galak na galak sa pagsasama nila. Si Mart at Mike ay masayang namumuhay kasama si Sean. Close na sila Sean at Mike, na ikinatuwa naman ni Mart.

Ngunit may isang sikretong inililihim si Sean na maaaring makasakit kina Mart at Mike. Nagmunimuni si Sean sa mga nangyayari at nais nyang itago na lang ang sikreto nya hanggang hukay. Subalit sa mga sumususunod na mga buwan eh mukhang lahat ng bagay eh naging komplikado.

Nalilito si Sean kuung anu ang gagawin nya. Mahal na ni Sean si Mart at ayaw netong masaktan si Mike. Sobrang nahihirapan na si Sean sa sitwasyon nila dahil nasasaktan syang makita si Mart at si Mike na masaya habang siya ay nagdurusa.

Isang hapon, inimbita ni Sean si Mart para magkape. Pumayag naman si Mart dahil wala naman silang naitalagang lakad ni Mike. Nung hapong din yon eh nagpasya si Sean na sabihin na kay Mart ang itinatago nyang lihim na pagtingin.

Nanginginig si Sean at parang ayaw na nyang sabihin pa kay Mart ang bagay na kanyang itinatago. Well Sean took his courage into the next level and blurted out what he feels toward Mart. He said to Mart that he loves the person. Sean was expecting an awkwardness between the conversation, but there were no such awkwardness felt kasi nga nung sabihin ni Sean kay Mart ang feelings nya eh tinawan lang eto ni Mart at sinabi kay Sean na “Mawawala din yan. Marerealize mo din soon na di mo ako kailangan at pagtatawan mo lang yang feeling nayan.”

Sean was shocked about the response that he got from Mart. Although naisip din ni Sean na mas okay na yung reaction ni Mart na ganun kesa magkailangan pa sila. Sean was expecting Mart to tell Mike about his discovery. At yun pa ang mas ikinatakot ni Sean. Pero relieved na din si Sean dahil nasabi na nya ang matagal na nyang dinadamdam.

Naisip ni Sean na baka sugurin sya ni Mike at pagsasampalin. Well paranoid Sean is expecting the worse. Naisip nya na baka kahit okay kay Mart na may feeling ang best friend nya sa kanya eh baka naman masamain ni Mike eto. Dumaan ang mga araw at mukhang naging cold ang pagsasamahan ni Mart at Mike. Natakot si Sean na baka sya ang dahilan ng lage nilang di pagkakaunawan.

Well, hindi naman eto nabrobrought out ni Mart kay Sean at takot din magtanung si Sean about the situation. Since things are slowly going to a downward spiral eh nagpasya si Sean na tigilan muna ang palagiang pagbobonding nila ni Mart.

Ngunit after several weeks eh nabalitaan ni Sean na naghiwalay si Mart at Mike. Nagulat si Sean at di nya matiis kamustahin ang kalagayan ni Mart. Nahihirapan si Mart sa mga nangyayari sa kanila ni Mike at mukhang nakadagdag pa ang pag-amin ni Sean about his feelings.

“Eto po ang simula ng isang nobela ng buhay ni Sean. Abangan po ang susunod na yugto.”

Befriending an EX-Lover

Nung isang araw, I wrote something that could at least ease out the burden that my friend is having regarding her ex wanting to be friends with her. After they broke up kasi, the guys sort of think that everything went back to normal and that they could be friends, without even considering that he caused my friend pain. For me that is just absurd! For me para maging magkaibigan kayu ulit ng dati mong partner/boyfriend, you should be both ready, because this may open up another connection between you eh. Lalo na, the fact that naging magkarelasyon kayu could not be ingnored. Maganda man ang intentions nyo about being friends, but the question would be “if you are even sincere enough about your intentions of being friends? Friends lang ba o baka naman you want to win her back?”

In my own experience , it was possible enough for me and my ex-lover to be friends. Nung una, parang awkward ang lahat and hindi ko pa feel, but I decided to give it a try. Then my feelings for him went back and I was hoping that we could still be together AGAIN. See yan yung sinasabi kong obstacle about this move. Madaling sabihin, pero NAPAKAHIRAP i-execute! So time passes,  and the connection we have remained to be friends. On the process  though, I was still expecting the same agenda. The good thing is, my ex-boyfriend remained true to what he said and gave me bounderies on what we can  and what we cannot do together. The first time kasi kahit hindi na kami eh we still have sex. Sabi nya sa akin, since we decided to be friends again, I expect no sex from and you from me. Fair enough for me to stand. However, due to attachement issues I have, the idea is giving me a hard time. Ang hirap kayang pigilin ng libog lalo na kung alam mong magaling sya (well on that note, this blog is now rated SPG LOL).

As time passes, I began to endure the lust that I feel towards him. Second thing I had worked on to make the “FRIENDSHIP” possible is to control my emotions towards him. Sweet kasi tong taong to, madalas kong napagkakamalan ang sweetness nya bilang isang sign na gusto nya maging kami ulit. So I asked him and said, do you want us to be together again? He said wholeheartedly na “NO. You deserve a better partner than me.” It sunk into me that he was really decided on that “friend relationship agenda.” I then realized that since he is making SO MUCH EFFORT to make the friendship work, ako din dapat eh gumawa ng mga bagay bagay para mawork out eto. It’s really similar to having a romantic relationship work, but the difference is that this does not involve intimate emotion.

At first my hopes on getting back together was fabulously HIGH, but his effort is flawless. I decided to finally get over the idea “NA PWEDING MAGING KAMI ULIT.” Things began to turn over between us. Days went by so easily and comfortably. Madami kaming nagawa na hindi naman nagawa while we were together. Naging masaya kami, and the friendship continues until now. We still hang out together, although ngayon eh di pa kami nagkikita ulit. Hahahaha. But open communication naman na ulit. He updates me about his agenda, kahit ako di masyado sa kanya. Unfair ko noh?! LOL

So for my friends who asked me if two ex lovers could be friends? My answer is: it is possible but only if two of you are willing to work on the friendship. Syempre, you have to set aside those ulterior motives that you had.

Naalala ko yung sinabi sa akin ng bestfriend ko, “The love that you shared with your ex is always gonna be there. It will never be gone. Thing is dapat hindi mo na sya gawing mundo mo. In short, cope up and adjust to the situation.” If you can’t keep him/her as your lover, I guess it’s wouldn’t be that hard to keep him/her as a friend.

Introductory to  “Falling In Love with your Best Friend.”

This is an ideal relation that could possibly upgrade to a romantic connection. Although, thing like friendship could actually be sacrificed. I once fell in love with my bestfriend and he turned me down. He decided to retain the friendship instead. Masakit pero I have to live with it and accept it…….

Friends?! Baka May ULTERIOR MOTIVE?!

We all have our own coping mechanism on things; there are those people who can move on in a snap of a finger. There are those who take forever to realize it’s over. It doesn’t really matter how fast or slow you can cope up. The important thing is you are coping.

                There’s this friend of mine, a GIRL (yes babae sya and she is special to me.) She is undergoing what we call the moving on stage. This stage is somewhat hard, especially the process. I won’t take long explaining the process but here’s a brief order of it for me: DABDA

D – Denial – the stage where you deny the fact that the relationship is over.

A – Anger – you slowly realize what he did, and you get angry.

B – Bargaining – you start to realize that there is still possibilities of being together and you try to bargain.

D – Depression – this stage is where you can be all sorts of stupid.

A – Acceptance – the freedom from all the attachments and feeling you had.

The above description are my own and nothing is official. Haha. In lieu with this friend I have. I have been telling her to adjust on the situation. I have told her na tapusin nya muna ang mga bagay bagay between them. Kasi ang gusto ng ex nya eh maging friends sila. For me that is possible but it’s also bullshit!

               
Again it will only be possible if you are trying to make friends with your ex kung wala na itong ulterior motive na magbalikan kayu ulit. Simple lang naman sagot sa mga bagay bagay eh. “IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY THEN STOP PONDERING ON THINGS THAT MAKES YOU SAD.” Gawin mo kung anu ang dapat, mali man eto sa paningin ng iba, well who cares?! Kung yun ang makakatulong para maibalik ka sa ayos then just go with it.

               
Be blunt with him, be rude with him, it’s alright. We are humans, we all make mistakes, but let’s not make our mistake a definition on who we are. Mahalaga dyan eh, maging okay ka para magpatuloy na maging masaya.

              
Maikli lang po ang buhay, seize every moment para maging masaya ka. Don’t complicate things, and don’t let your emotions eat you up. Be sane!

                It’s really sounds so naïve that you know how you hurt someone and acted like nothing happened. Come on makonsensya ka naman. Nasaktan mo sya, bigyan mo naman sya ng time para magheal bago ka umeksenang maging friends kayu ulit. (Message ko sa ex ng friend ko.)

This is really all I can say about it. I don’t wanna be one sided about the issue. As a matter of fact, gusto ko din malaman yung side nung lulurchips (lalaki) para mabalance ko judgment ko.

“LET’S ALL STAY HAPPY AND FORGET NEGATIVE THINGS.” HAKUNA MATATA….mamatay lahat ng NEGA! CHARAUGHT!

               

The Beginning…

I have been working for 4 years now as a BPO representative. I started this kind of job when I was 18. I wasn’t able to finish the tertiary level of my studies. Although working was fun, it also has times when you feel frustrated about things. I always think na sana eh grumaduate muna ako bago ako nagwork. This has been my only complain to my parents, but I really couldn’t blame them for making me stop college. Biktima kami ng kahirapan, and it would only be selfish of me if I continue college, knowing that my family wouldn’t be able to eat three times a day. So from then on I decided to go and find work.

This is how my call center life started…

I was rehearsing for a cheer dance competition, and then my mother called and asked how I was doing at school. I replied and proudly said that I am seriously making time for my school works while I am in a dance crew at our alma mater. My Mama was so proud of me. The next day my Mama called again,  I greeted her “Happy Birthday Mama!”. She was so amazed at how energetic I was that day. Then she paused and asked me if I could go back to my hometown in Pangasinan. I said “Opo makakababa po ako mamaya dyan, tatapusin ko lang yung rehearsal naming.” At first I was thinking that she would’ve missed me that much that she requested me to go home.

So I went home, I was surprised that they all looked like they are into something really worse. I started to feel weird and awkward seeing their faces like that. I asked them “ Oh! Anu problema nyo bakit kayu parang tnaga? (while laughing). Sabi ni Mama, “kasi ganito yun anak. Nagtry kasi akong mag-apply sa call center work…..” I already had an idea what’s going to happen and said “TAPOS…” She smiled and said, “Hindi ako nakapasa eh.” My dad and brother laughed at my Mama and she joined na din afterwards.

While eating supper, she asked me if I could join her to go to someplace. I said yes! I was clueless where we were going. Then I saw this signage that said “ Now Hiring Agents”. Right there and then it sunk in that she would like me to apply for the post. I was shocked and “ Mama anu ginagawa natin dito? Mag-aapply ka ulit?” She laughed and said “ hindi anak, ikaw ang mag-aapply.” I gazed at her and said “Seryoso ka? Eh panu pag-aaral ko?” she looked at me and said “hihinto ka muna anak, at hindi na natin kaya.” I was speechless and I don’t know what to say. So I thought, sige subukan ko na lang. It was my intention not pass the application process, so I could continue studying (kasi nga naman eh scholar ako ng school that time). While doing the listening test, it hit me that although I wasn’t paying my tuition I would still need to come up with my board and lodging expenses, in which I do not have the liberty to have.

Nagturn over ang decision ko from not passing the application process to at least trying the possibility of the BPO industry. So the process went on and from 70 aspiring candidates, we were down to THREE! Tatlo na lang kaming natira (to think some applicant had experiences from other BPO companies huh.)

I was on my final interview and this American guy who was interviewing me was so handsome. He is a drop dead gorgeous almost demigod ang dating ni kuya. I smiled at him and he began asking  me questions. We went on and on, then it was done. He said “We will just call you to confirm if you got the ob or not.”

I was still hoping na sana hindi ako makuha sa work. So we head back home, my mom asked me to go back to Baguio and packed all my things.

So I did, and said all my goodbyes to my friends and professors. After that natanggap ko na yung confirmation and my schedule contract signing. It was September 18, 2008, they scheduled me to have my contract signing at September 23, 2008. Good thing na ganun yung nangyari kasi it was my 18^th birthday nung 09/22/2008.

Ibig sabihin lang nun eh on the first day of my 18^th year as a person living on this planet eh I had my very first exclusive contract at a BPO Company in Pampanga. There…. So it began…

Paglisan

I am really hurt with what is happening around me. This is a very sudden change in my life. I hope it is for the better. Trying to be strong.

ONE LOVE and Mister J!

Well, as of now eh wala talaga akong mahita sa creative juice ko kaya hindi ako nag uupdate ng blog ko. Pero nang dahil sa tag ng isang friend kong si Mark Joe (thelastinnocentman.blogspot.com) na may instant promotion sa blog na to. Hahahah.. Oh nang dahil nga sa kanyang tag eh eto ako ngayon gumagawa ng blog about his questions.

Question and Answer ang peg nya kaya sige patulan na. Hahaha. At ang background song sa netshop to ay "Highway to HELL" What the heck???? LOL.. I'm on a highway to hell.. Yeah! Peg ko ang tugtug.. LOL

Magkukwento muna ako bago ako sumagot sa tanung mo. As my title goes, conceited ang blog na toh. About sa akin lahat.. Ako na! LOL.

Simulan ang kwento.

May kinalaman eto dun sa Dancing in Pain ko na blog. Remember nung pinilit kong sumali sa Cheerdance ekbalo ng aming companya. Dun nagsimula etong lahat. Sumali kasi ako dahil may bet akong lulur chips na kasali din ang name nya ay Charleston! Name pa lang lalaking lalaki na! Oo straight sya, pero kiber! Magalalandi ako. Yun na.. Hahahaha..

SO habang nag prapractice kami may napansin ako sa isang kong kasma. Medyo pa girl tong si bilat. Eh normally naman becking becky si atchi. At na confirm ko na pati sya pala eh bet nya etong si #ONELOVE. SO ayun umamin din si atchi sa akin na bet nga nya. Affirmative! So ang laro eh makascore ng pasimple sa kanya.

Ayun si atchi nagpapansin, sayaw ng sayaw. Medyo Napansin naman sya. Pero ako kinabog ko si atchi dahil sya ang lumapit at nakiinum sa baso ko.. Nakita ko ni atchi, nanggagalaiti si atchi.. 1 point na lahat!

Sumunod na eksena, may nagdala ng silvanas sa rehearsal area. So since close kami nung tao, binigyan nya ako ng isa. At alam nyo ginawa ko? Nilapitan ko si ONE LOVE at sinubuan....
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Ng Silvanas of course. Napansin eto ni Atchi. At lumapit at sinabing "IKAW na!" Oo ako na nga. Hahahahaha.


Fast forward..

Tapos na ang competition ng Cheerdance Keme ng companya. Time to go ika nga. Inimbita ako ni ONE LOVE sa house nila at nag inuman. Pero walang nangyari panu naman kasi may jowa pala sya.. SO mejo jealousy mode ako.. Hahahaha.. Bakit nga ba one love tawag ko sa kanya.. Kasi yung tatto nya sa arms eh one love nakalagay.. TAPOS!


PRESENTING: Mister J. Kasama ko din sya sa Cheerdance keme. Isa syang silent type na tao. Tahimik pero cute naman in fairness. Nilalandi ko sya ng pahapyaw during rehearsal kasi nga ang concentration eh kay ONE LOVE. Etong si Mister J eh gumaganti sa lahat ng banat at mejo touchy touchy si kuya. Ako naman sige lang ng sige. Kinikilig a bit but I wish si ONE LOVE na lang yun. Tapos biglang one time lumindat sya sa akin at nag smile. So speechless ako. Hindi ako nakareact. Waaaahh.. Mukhang may gusto sya sa akin.. LOL

Kahapon! Lunes, fresh pa lahat ng pangyayari. Magka email ang group about what happen on the competition. SO si Mister J hindi gaanong nagrereply kasi nga dedicated agent sya.. LOL..

I have decided  to PM him. Nagulat ako nagreply agad. Ayun mejo mejo nacoconfirm ko na sya ay may gusto talaga. Then our conversation is filled with flowery words about each other. Nariyan pa yang napakwento sya about himself. OH close na agad ang peg. Kinikilig pa din ako hanggang ngayon. Hahaha

Eto last kung email sa kanya bago umalis ng opisina. Sabi ko" Simula ngayon Baby na kita, wala ka nang magagawa,." Secret lang natin wag ka mag alala.. hahaha..

Since out na ako sa opisina, sinadya ko naman sya sa station nya. Kinalabit ko sa batok as I always do. bigla ba namang hinawakan ang kamay ko at nag apologize for not replying right away. Ang lola nyo kulang na lang mag faint! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Sana lang talaga tuloy tuloy na toh.. Hihihihihi

Eto na ang Q&A portion:

11 QUESTIONS FOR MY TAGGED FRIENDS


Please enumerate the 204 sovereign states in the world and their capital cities. Joke lang, ang tanong eh How are you?

Keri naman ako medyo masaya naman. Simula nung umalis ka mark Joe! Lol

Are you still a virgin?

Oh YES! Sa bababe nga lang! LOL..

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Sure do! Feeling ko eh isa akong dyosa dati na nagkatawang lupa na!

What is the essence of being gay?

Being Happy! Being yourself no matter how hard it is to live in this world. Ipakita mo kung sinu ka talaga. Wala na yang takot takot. malapit na end of the world according to Mayan Calendar! LOL

If you could become an animal for 1 day, What animal would you be? Why?

Bird! I really wan to fly! Serious to! I want to see the world in a Bird's eye view!

Where is the most beautiful place in the Philippines?

Sa Baguio kasi malamig at mababait ang tao. Pero okay din naman sa kahit saan dito wag lang dun sa lugar na marahas.. Hahahaha

How many friends do you have in facebook?

About 699 round it up, marami apa akong hindi naadd na friends jan... hahahaha

Which would you rather have, beauty or brains? Explain.

Brains and good personality. maganda ka nga wala ka namang alam, wala ka din pupuntahan kundi sa clubhouse bagsak mo jan. Hindi ko dinidescrimnate ang mga pokpok ah.. Basta mas maganda pa din yung may knowledge ka at may manners. Yun ang point of view ko.

Fight or flight? Bawal ang It depends.

Flight! I want to go abroad! LOL.. HIndi ko man naintindihan to.. hahahaha

Kung kasali ka sa Survivor Philippines, ano yung 2 essential things na dadalhin mo?

Mahirap to ah..... Nanay at tatay ko.. Hahahaha.. Family oriented much!

Aside from English and Filipino, do you speak any other languages? Please enumerate if there are any.


Wala na! Dialects lang alam ko! Hahahaha.. To clarify hindi ako linguist.. hahahaha




O yan huh.. Nasagot ko na lahat.. 

Stranger Danger

After I have posted "Sonny Boy" I went home for tulog purposes. Eh di syempre dahil nga ang out ko eh 3 AM in the morning, malamang sa malamang nyan na madaling araw pa din nun.

 

So while  I was walking going home, tumigil ako saglit at nagtweet na matutulog na ako. Nasa harap ako ng Hotel 45 kasi nga walang signal dun sa apartment namin. I was somking while tweeting. Then all of a sudden came a stranger with this line on hand "Are we GOOD?" So napatingin ako at napatanga. Medyo kinabahan ako sa kanya, but he asked me another question sabi eh "should we smoke somewhere else?" 

 

Eto na, medyo nagsink in sa akin na madaling araw pa lang nun mgapanahong yun. So naisip ko na baka he taught that I am some kind of a "Call Boy". Indeed hindi sya nagkamali. Call boy nga ako, pero I am an expert in taking calls not that type of call boy you think. So when I got myself composed again, sabi ko sa kanya "I'm sorry, I guess you are supposed to be meeting someone here and you have mistaken me to be that person." Well, napaka-mouthful lang ng ibinato kong linya sa kanya. Hahahaha

 

Ang banat nya pabalik eh "No. I am not meeting anyone here." Then I told him bluntly na "Sorry I am BUSY." Tapos nagtanung nanaman sya " why are you busy?" (kulit much? LOL)

 

Nagwalk out na ako. Tapos sa awa naman ng dyos eh hindi ako sinundan. I swear those minutes are the scariest I had in years.

 

Tapos after I slept, diretso na ako ng dance rehearsal namin. Biglang akong tinanung kung kamusta naman daw ang "Stranger in the night" ng co-dancer ko. Tapos yun kinwento ko. Nakalimutan ko tinweet ko pa pala bago ako matulog. Hahaha